How To Use Dating Apps So They Don't Hurt Your Self-Esteem

A picture showing a smartphone screen with the text "Swipe me and let's date".
UPDATED August 9, 2021
Written By Merlene Leano

Swipe Me and Let’s Date.

This is the power that dating apps give to various users who are part of their communities. Thus, the question arises, what happens to users who do not get swiped?

Their self-esteem plummets. The rejection in real life is as painful as not being swiped in a dating app. From there, a negative relationship between self-esteem and online dating ensues. Why does self-esteem matter when you plan to date?

Dating Essentials: Do You Love Yourself?

As William James, an American Psychologist defines it, self-esteem is an individual’s view of their overall self.

Do you see yourself in a positive or negative light?

The answer here will determine how you, as an individual, would present yourself in the dating app you are on. A most recent study by Holtzhausen et. al has proven that users of swipe-based dating applications are more prone to depression, anxiety, and distress. With this in mind, it is natural that people do what they can to protect themselves from the negative effects that online dating brings.

Do you love yourself?

By answering this simple yet also profound question, one can determine how much self-esteem an individual has. If you are someone with fragile self-love, then there is a good chance that your dating experience may not be as favorable. If it is strong, you would not be fazed by the various rejections you will likely be experiencing while finding romantic or intimate partners online.

So how do we assure that you have the power to increase a positive online dating experience and reduce the number of failed attempts to find love?

The answer is here:

With the combined insights of dating site and app experts, as well as the input of our resident content moderators, we’ve compiled 10 tested-and-proven ways to protect your self-esteem and boost your chances of finding genuine love in dating apps.

1. Set Reasonable Standards

Have you ever heard your friends say, “Your standards are too high,” or “Your standards are too low.”? The former is the finer choice to the latter when it comes to online dating. You have to be picky when dating online. Since you only talk either via chat, voice call, or video call, you have to keep your standards up there to protect yourself from the pain of rejection.

Also, being picky allows you to filter out good potential mates from those that bear big and multiple red flags. Some only want short-term relationships while others want to date long-term. Either way, see to it that you are sure of what you want to set clear and solid boundaries. The more you know what you seek in a love partner, the more you save yourself from developing low self-esteem and online dating anxiety. Think of it this way, you will not fall for empty promises or flowery words because you have personal criteria to use as your basis for judging compatibility and connection with a possible lover.

2. Give Your Whole Attention to Your Date

During a conversation with a potential life partner, make it your goal to talk to candidates one at a time. This is to ensure that you are not burnt out during the entire dating experience, and that you are protected from negative feelings and emotions that come with various types of people.

However, this is not only a tip to protect yourself. The goal is also to be kinder to the person you are talking to. You never know whether the individual you are interacting with on the other end of the social app or dating site has a high or low self-esteem. Communication is key here and honesty. When you give your full attention to the person you are dating, you are more likely to gain someone you would love to stick with in the long run.

3. A Shift in Mindset

This is a must when it comes to protecting yourself from unwanted negative thoughts and emotions that come with online dating. You must extinguish even the most low-key defeatist thoughts such as, “Am I Worth it?” to “Are They Worth It?”

Once you do this, you have the power to steer the course of your date. You gain more composure and reinforce your romantic standards since you do not allow yourself to be overwhelmed easily by external factors. Simply, you gain more confidence in yourself, especially in the sense that you know what your goal is when going on a date.

4. Take Control

Now that you have a changed mindset, it is time to take the initiative. The norms are changing, and whether you are a woman, a man, or a member of the LGBTQ+ community, it should be fairly normal to take charge and approach the opposite sex or gender in the world of finding intimacy and love. The moment you take hold of the steering wheel in your dating experience, you become more confident and attract more potential suitors to choose from. You are giving yourself a boost in your online dating and self-esteem needs.

5. Have Faith In Your Instincts

Have you encountered any dating red flags in the past? If not, consider yourself lucky. Red flags are what people avoid when meeting people online. On the other hand, once you experience dating someone with major red flags, that’s when you have a more concise picture of how to save yourself from damaging your self-love. It is understandable to want the person you are currently dating or about to date to be the one, but when red flags arise, you have to question the circumstances.

Is it just you or are the warning signs mostly coming from them? As you begin to feel or sense the tinge of questioning the relationship, make sure that you bring it up as well with the other party.

Do not double guess yourself when it comes to dating warning signs since your instincts act as your body’s way to survive. They tell you when someone is not a good match with you despite your heart telling you that they are right for you. Don’t jump the gun with instincts alone, though. It is still best to be open and discuss these concerns with your date. Doing so will truly assess whether they are serious about you or if they only want to be with you casually.

6. Take A Breather

Constantly talking to different individuals every day can be exhausting. Give yourself time to rest and do something you love. Finding love might end up looking like a chore since you talk to your beau every waking minute of the day. Take a step back and reminisce on why you are in the dating scene in the first place.

Do something you love and acknowledge that sometimes, people are just jerks. You have to be comfortable in your skin and allow yourself to feel the negative emotions and thoughts. Once you accept these, you will take that well-deserved breather. Consequently, you get to come back stronger, more self-assured, and more open to a broader range of romantic experiences.

7. Be Open-Minded

Entering the world of online dating means you are going to be dating the rest of the world. The said setting connects you with people across the globe—individuals originating from different cultures, varying levels of conservatism, and contrasting beliefs in liberation. You have to accept these facts and understand that there is a fine line between a red flag and a simply living by someone’s culture.

Yes, standards are good, but if you cannot be open-minded to new experiences then there is also a possibility that people will reject you for it. You will find yourself stuck with constant rejection, which, eventually, will take a toll on your self-esteem. Guard your peace and be open-minded, because you never know what the person across your screen is experiencing.

8. Listen Actively

There are different types of listening. One involves listening with one ear, meaning that you let the information come in one ear and then exit through the other. In contrast, the superior type of listening is called active listening. It is the type that makes you read the whole person in general. Listening actively is essential especially during chat, voice, or video calls. Most people would say something, but that their intention or the meaning behind those words are different.

Thus, as a fellow person looking for love and craving to be heard, might as well give what you seek. Understand what they are conveying behind their words. Respond to them empathetically. Put yourself in their shoes and make sure that they are reciprocating your actions. If you observe that they are also lending you an open and unjudging ear, then consider that a definite green flag heightens trust in the other person. When you are satisfied with your partner, it feeds your perspective of yourself in a positive way.

9. Set Boundaries

This is similar to taking a breather, but boundaries are set more for your fellow users. Make your restrictions clear and concise. For instance, you can state during the beginning of the conversation that you are not into sending nudes, or that you are only free to chat and call after your work or shift is over. In other words, specify what you like and dislike. The more straightforward your limitations are, the more you are defining the kind of relationship you want. You are also allowing your potential partner to learn about expectations you have from them. Avoid allowing other users to spell out what you seek. Define your pet peeves, what you are looking for and when you want it.

How long are you both going to date each other?
Do you date men or women or both?
How will you stay connected and continue chatting beyond the dating app?

All these questions are important to answer to give yourself an improved dating experience and provide you with the right motivation to set your own pace. No one is (or should be) forcing you when it comes to who and when you want to be involved romantically. You are gradually building yourself while dating or even before you guys become official.

Moreover, boundaries also allow you to preserve yourself without someone telling you who you have to be. It makes the other person realize that they either change for the better or leave you alone.

Lastly, setting barriers is also defined by protecting your privacy or the extent of what you share with other app users. Before registering to join a dating site or app, it would be best to check whether there are existing and consistently updated content moderation practices. Moderators in the online dating scene regulate the types of content that people exchange with each other. They are likewise helpful in segregating scammers and catfishers from real people. Moderation protects you and your fellow users from phishers and fake profiles seeking to harm your peace and play with your heart.

10. Remember Your Worth

You are worthy. No one’s actions or words can tell you otherwise. You deserve all the love in the world and if another person threatens that, then leave. If the person you are seeing does not know your value and establishes that they would rather play games with you, then this is your sign to leave. As someone looking for love, you are better off with someone who wants the same thing as you and would do anything to keep you in their life.

But remember, sacrifice goes both ways. Take as much time you need to feel truly comfortable with yourself before committing to save both you and your potential life partner the heartache.

Dating Apps and Self-Esteem: Finding Love Has Never Been Simultaneously both Easy and Hard

As a user of any dating platform, you have to protect yourself first before delving into a sea of suitors and love interests. No matter how tempting it may be to ride on a whirlwind romance, prioritize your peace and safety first. Choose to date in a safe environment rather than risking the destruction of your self-esteem.

For app developers who aim to create a safe environment in dating apps and self-esteem improvement for your end-users, commit your team to employing efficient moderation services. Reinforce the desire of your users to set boundaries and eradicate ill-doers from your dating platforms.

If you have an in-house team that handles user content and profile monitoring, great.
If you currently do not have in-house moderators, then partner with us!

Chekkee supports you with 24/7 assistance with our personal touch on moderation. We combine human and AI capabilities so that not a single offensive post or suspicious user escapes our meticulous eyes. We prioritize the satisfaction of your customers and the integrity of your services.

Get moderated and help your target users build strong, happy connections that last.

Merlene Leano Avatar

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